On January 23 rd, we added a new member to our family. We rescued a Siberian Husky named Marshall from our local SPCA. I hadn’t intended to get a dog in the winter, nor had I planned on getting such a huge dog that would require the most amount of work of any animal that I have ever had…..but here he is. He is a good boy and despite the exhaustion the first week gave us, I can’t imagine our house without him. We are all still in the new stages of getting to know each other, but there is love between us for sure.
On January 28 th, I received a phone call at work early in the morning that my 56 year old mother was found dead in her favorite chair. It was shocking and gut wrenching and I have run through every emotion that is known to man over the last week. No one knows why she died as there was no autopsy, but she did have many chronic illnesses and had not felt well the night before. She was found looking comfortable and peaceful in a chair she often slept in when the TV lulled her to sleep. I can only hope that my own passing goes as smoothly.
It doesn’t take away that she will never see me marry the love of my life or see her grand daughter graduate high school or spend Christmas in our new house. I will never again here her laugh or call me “sweet pea” or smell her comforting mixture of White Shoulders and cigarettes. She will never cook us another meal or cry on my shoulder when we say goodbye or tell me she will call me “later” and get back to me in 2 weeks. She will never take my daughter fishing for hours nor will I get to watch them pick vegetables out of the garden. I will miss these things. My mother and I had a hard life together and it were those hard times in the first days after her death that kept me from completely losing my mind. As the days have grown longer, my loss is so much deeper and the canyon in my heart wider than I ever expected.
She leaves behind a loving boyfriend of 10 years, 2 brothers, a sister, and one very sad mother. She leaves behind me and my brother and our daughters and this is sad. They will never get to know her like they should, but we can only hope they retain some good memories of her.
I came home to these two guys….Michael, my most wonderful friend and keeper of my heart, and my new buddy Marshall. It was so good to see their faces and feel their love and support.
It was especially good to see her face, to truly understand what her life would be like without me, and know that I would fight the greatest fight in this lifetime to never have her feel what I have had to feel in losing my own mother. It was warming to hear her laugh and see her brace filled smile and smell the shampoo in her hair when I hugged her.
I had forgotten in this busy world that the small things really are what we take with us, they are the things that trigger our hearts at our weakest moments. As corny as it sounds, you really must live life to the fullest and have no regrets. Make sure you are living and not just surviving, because there is a difference. Cherish your time on this Earth. Cherish everyone that is dear to you and learn to forgive petty arguments and fights continued on principle because you never know when someone will leave you.
I have the most wonderful group of friends who have become my family over the years. Your love and support means the world to me.